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e.e. cummings - I Am A Beggar Always

Aug. 12th, 2010 | 01:47 pm

i am a beggar always
who begs in your mind

(slightly smiling, patient, unspeaking
with a sign on his
BLIND)yes i

am this person of whom somehow
you are never wholly rid(and who

does not ask for more than
just enough dreams to
live on)
after all, kid

you might as well
toss him a few thoughts

a little love preferably,
anything which you can't
pass off on other people: for
instance a
plugged promise-

the he will maybe (hearing something
fall into his hat)go wandering
after it with fingers;till having

what was thrown away
taptaptaps out of your brain, hopes, life
to(carefully turning a
corner)never bother you any more

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Jun. 30th, 2010 | 12:33 pm

My stomach is being all buggy again, and I'm also getting vertigo. I hope this clears itself fairly quickly.

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The Last Day

Jun. 23rd, 2010 | 02:54 pm

I hope you're happy ann_septimus!

1. I like to laugh and can find the humor in most situations if I give myself half a chance.

2. I always talk or write to the managers of service staff when they've done a good job to commend them, because it's unfair to only complain about service staff and never compliment them.

3. My fingernails are really strong. I never have the problems other people do with opening stuff or having them break.

4. Animals and small children always really like me, and even though I'm very ambivilent about having any of my own, it's nice to be able to be comfortable taking care of them without having to be really nervous about it.

5. I'm comfortable with doing stuff on my own and don't have the hangups about doing things alone that other people do (eating out, going to the movies). I'd rather live life even if I just have to go do it, rather than wait for someone else to do it for me and end up missing it.


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Day 6

Jun. 23rd, 2010 | 12:01 am

Today has been a very trying day. Ick. Today's list is going to be brief.

1. I get sarcasm. It makes life a lot more enjoyable, and I also never have to be the dumb person who doesn't get sarcasm. Ha.

2. I can be the life of the party or I can be a wallflower, and feel fairly comfortable either way.

3. I'm an atheist. I get to live life and formulate values that I think are honest and real.

4. I know enough about grammar to realize that grammar Nazis are both hilarious and stupid. FYI, prescriptivists often seem to be inadvertantly revealing insecurity about their social class. Start watching for it, and then tell me that America doesn't have class issues.

5. I place almost no value on material things intended to represent value. That is jewelry, sports cars and brand name clothing all leave me uninterested. I do like things that serve utility and look nice and am willing to pay for that, but they have to be worth it on those merits. (Actually, I think all expensive jewelry is basically pointless, all the time).

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Day 5

Jun. 21st, 2010 | 10:59 pm

1. I don't embarrass very much at all, about anything. This is actually very freeing and helps me to do the right thing sometimes when other people might be held back by embarrassment. Also, I just have a lot more fun. I can dance at the end of a run when Oxford Comma comes on and not worry about the cars slowing down to make fun of me, because I JUST DON'T CARE.

2. I'm not a slave to the TV (well, at least now that LOST is over). It drives me crazy when people have to give 6 hours of their day over to TV. Sure I'll watch shows online, but only after I have gotten all of my chores, reading and exercise done.

3. I usually don't get angry that easily over stuff that's not important (or if I do it's because of my weird emotions and I've gotten really good at recognizing it so I don't act it out). Consequently, if I get angry I think that it still really means something.

4. I really like my forearms. I can't give you any specific reasons why. I just do.

5. I have some synesthesia. All songs have colors. Sometimes words especially poetry have a taste, an actual taste.

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Day 4 a bit late

Jun. 20th, 2010 | 11:01 pm

I had to go buy running shoes because I've lost my mind. Obviously.

1. I like my tattoos. Sure I picked them out and I hate explaining them to people, because it always seems to degrade them, but I like them anyway.

2. I like that I can learn to do new things proficiently fairly quickly. From computers to racking wine it's very useful.

3. I have a very strong ability to critique art. Granted I know that's pretentious thing to like, but I have the background and the taste to pick good art from bad, and to evaluate works of art as objectively as possible.

4. I like that I have a quick wit. Sometimes I like to think that I'm a famous writer of old, but of course more of my jokes are directly about sex.

5 I like that I am so well read. I can almost always hold a discussion on any type of literature with anyone. Also, I have lots of good background in history, politics and science, which can lead to great conversations.

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Day 3

Jun. 19th, 2010 | 06:05 pm

ann_septimus, I can't believe I'm still doing this.

1. I really like my eyes. As they've become less of a definitive color and less of a match, they've definitely become more arresting somehow.

2. I like how expressive my face can be or not. This is one thing I have a lot more control over than most people.

3. Ok, I'll admit it. I like being gay. Despite all of the difficulty it's given me, I still feel like I lucked out on the deal (even discounting how much sexier men are) it really had given me a much different perspective on life, and I shrudder to think of how I might have turned out otherwise.

4. I like my ability to remember lots of random stuff as long as it's unimportant. I would kill at Jeopardy.

5. I like my sense of fashion in general. I think (when I actually try) I can dress well for any occasion and avoid being underdressed (or even worse overdressed), of course that has been difficult this year with my clothes scattered over multiple living locations (T's wedding was at an especially unideal time).

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Day 2

Jun. 18th, 2010 | 12:59 pm

ann_septimus, I'm not sure that I can finish this, but I'll try.

1. I have a really good sense of taste. I can almost always tell what what kind of oil something was cooked in (except for you grapeseed oil!), and this also works well for picking out individual spices in a recipe to say nothing of wine.

2. I like that I like to argue. That's kind of a weird like, but I think that it's important to be comfortable enough with arguing that you are able to contest with someone to see the weaknesses in your own arguments and the strengths in your opponents so that you can get closer to the truth. Granted, I don't always do it perfectly, but it's a work in progress.

3. I have great calves: the kind that people get implants to have. It's too bad for the world that I don't like shorts.

4. Ok, this one is trickier because I'm afraid someone is going to call me out on it, but I'm going for it. I think that I am a very empathetic person. Sure I can be a snarky bastard with the best of them, but if someone has something that the seriously need to talk about, I can understand just about anything without getting weirded out or scandalized or trying to give them idiotic quick fix advice that makes things worse. Seriously, anything.

5. Ok secretly, (and I think most people kind of feel this way, so it's nothing all that special) I really like my singing voice. I will probably never sing for you unless I'm a little bit drunk, but with some warm up I have amazing pitch control.

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Self-Kindness Meme

Jun. 17th, 2010 | 02:09 pm

Taken from ann_septimus, also in dedication to.

Things I like about myself

1. At the risk of sounding trite, I am currently in awe of my body's ability to get stronger. I just finished the first two workouts of p90x (the hardest two thus far imho) for the second week in a row (the third time I've done them but I injured myself the first time). The first time I did them I was sore for days, and could barely move. The second time I was still really sore. Today, some mild soreness, but hardly even noticeable, and people have already started commenting on the results. I don't know if I couldn't do this when I was younger or just didn't have the right mindset, but it's pretty awesome.

2. I'm really good a learning languages and quickly being able to read and communicate in those languages. At least I'm better at it than the vast majority of people.

3. I can grow relatively attractive facial hair pretty easily. The older that I get, the more I appreciate how rare this is.

4. I like that I've become a lot better at standing up for things that I believe are really important instead of worrying about how other people will think negatively about me for them (this esp re: anti-Hispanic laws in Arizona lately).

5. I can cook great, awesome food given the most absurd food restrictions you could think of. I regularly eat gluten-free vegan food now, but I've had enough practice that I can make food for almost anyone. Tasty, awesome food.

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You know it's been a long week

May. 15th, 2010 | 07:36 pm

It's been a long week. Yesterday I had to leave work at 6:15 to go to dinner at my mom's house (that started at 6:00), and after 8.5 hours of work and 1 hour of class, my first thought was "This was a short day."


Anyway, I'm still at work tonight and will be for another 2 hours at least. I really, really wish that when I explained why something needed to be done a certain way, because we have NO OTHER WAY to track it, that people would do it that way. I have to make 20 embarrassing phone calls to customers tomorrow that would be otherwise unnecessary. Grrrrr.

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Jan. 28th, 2010 | 11:47 am

I've ridden my bike to work three days in a row now, no matter the weather. Today was oddly the most easiest and the most difficult day. The last uphill bit felt the hardest today and the temptation to get off the bike and walk was the strongest, however after arriving my legs actually felt less tired and jello-y than they had before.

Anyway, there is a certain sort of smug schadenfreude that goes along with being on a biking and being able to give horrified looks at stoplights to fat people eating mcdonald's in their cars.

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A New Year

Jan. 27th, 2010 | 12:34 pm

I guess I haven't really been on LJ in forever, but I'm eating lunch and decided that I may as well put something out there. 2010 has been an interesting year so far. I decided to move and have made some new resolutions that I'm actually putting into practice.

For those of you who don't know I'm moving back to Walla Walla to work at the winery doing accounting, compliance, quality control and to run the tasting room. This is making moving difficult as somehow I've already started working 6+ days a week. Yes, 6+. At some point, I need to clean out my condo in Portland and put it up for sale, which is going to be a whirlwind trip.

Somehow because of this, I decided that I would no longer put off doing things that I wanted to do, obviously within reason. As a result, I am now going to be in a one-act play, I am learning to play the guitar, and I have started biking to work every day. Sure the guitar and bike cost a little bit of money, but I decided I would make myself afford it by cutting out other stuff.

Oh, also they are somewhat sure now that I have celiac disease, so I've also now have the most annoying diet ever. Please, never offer to cook for me, unless you really want a challenge (I do it all the time, but I'm used to it).

Maybe, I'll post something more interesting later, but I think my life has become boring, but at least I'm giving myself ways to enjoy it?

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Election Predictions

Nov. 2nd, 2009 | 10:24 pm

I have a degree in political science so I am definitely allowed to do this every single election:

NJ Governor: Corazine- New Jersey always flirts with electing Republicans and never does. Corazine is very unpopular, but Christie doesn't offer a compelling alternative. Unless the independent manages to strip away more votes from Corazine, this one is staying put. Corazine-49 Christie-47 Daggett-4
VA Governor: McConnell will make this a takeover for the Republicans. Deeds is facing a serious scandal. Virginia is still more conservative than average despite November's election results. McConnell-58 Deeds-41
NY 23: Hoffman probably takes this district. It's a large rural district with a lot of conservatives; Owens hasn't polled above 40%, so unless a lot more people vote for the official Republican candidate, Scozzafava, than claim, Owens isn't going to break the Republican stranglehold on this district of over 100 years. H-54 O-42 S-4
WA 71: Referendum 71 will be approved. It's polling 10 points up and momentum is in its favor. 53-47
ME Q1: Maine votes down gay marriage in a close vote. Old people vote more in off year elections. 52-48.

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Ryan Adams talks about Cher's Ass

Oct. 22nd, 2009 | 03:40 pm

I wasn't going to post this, but every time I watch it I fall a little more in love with it. It specifically reminds me of going to a concert up in Sandpoint that a few of you should remember.

One of the best lines of that night for me was a dedication: "Do you ever think about doors, and how doors get you from the inside to the outside even thought they are made from stuff that comes from the outside. THIS SONG GOES OUT TO DOORS!"

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Stolen from Mary

Sep. 11th, 2009 | 02:09 pm

1. When you go to Target, what one thing do you get every single time, besides a funky-wheeled squeaking cart full of frustration?
--Balance Bars, specifically the chocolate covered peanut butter ones. I really think about food that much.

2. What is something that people are currently “into” that you just don’t get or appreciate?
--While I love the craft beer answer, I'm going to have to go with The Revival of the Plot in the American Novel. While there is something to be said against writing novels that are nearly impenetrable to read and also that our current situation isn't the same as that of the modernists which caused them to revolt against plot, this doesn't seem to be anything other than an ingenuous way to increase sales, and not because the lack of plot has gotten in the way of authors saying something Important. Sure there's nothing wrong with Pynchon writing hard-boiled detective fiction to make a buck, but don't tell me that it's better just because of that.

3. What is something that really hoists your sail that other people might feel “ho-hum” about?
--Hmmm...right now. The works of Fernando Pessoa. He was a poet who basically came up with all of these characters who wrote in distinct styles and had philosophical arguments with each other. He literally singlehandedly created an entire generation of Portuguese poetry.

4. Favorite song to sing in the shower or car?
--"Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams, obviously. Or possibly something else by Ryan.

5. A really great salad must have this ingredient:
--Probably something I shouldn't eat like Blue Cheese. Yum...blue cheese.

6. Tell us a bit about your best friend.
-- Immoral support.....Ok, as if more were needed there are only a few people with whom it is possible to actually joke about having chronic pain with and still have it be funny.

7. What was the alternate name that your parents almost named you?
--My parents did not have any other names picked out for me at all not even a girl's name, and they purposely asked the doctors not to tell them my gender (maybe this is what made me gay). My parents continued to do this with each of their kids always having only a named picked out for the gender the child was. It really is sort of uncanny.

8. Relationship?
--No thank you.

9. You get a package in the mail. What is it, and who is it from?
--Wow, I'm feeling shitty today and I didn't order this? What the hell? OMG, and Shel Silverstein coloring book from Ann!!!

10. Today–what song represents you?
--Since I have no songs called "I hate pharmacies", I suppose "Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley.

11. What is one thing that writing has taught you about yourself?
--Well, I don't much write, but I find that even thinking about it turns me into a leering glutton for detail. I will find myself staring at people or things dissecting them in ways I don't even know how to explain, until I start to feel just a little too creepy.

12. How are you going to (or how did you) choose the clothes you’re wearing today?
--I looked for clothes that were relatively clean and that were either not too wrinkled or that would de-wrinkle quickly upon wear. Oh and for green.

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Because Mary Did

Sep. 5th, 2009 | 12:40 pm

How's your relationship with your latest ex?

Do you hate anyone?
Only myself and some prominent Republicans.

The person you fell hardest for died today, how would you feel?:
Terrible, clearly provided that I heard about it.

What are your plans for this weekend?:
Avoid social activities to the maximum possible extent without becoming a hermit.

Ever hooked up with someone that had a tattoo?:
Perversely, I never have.

Have you taken a shower in the last 24 hours?:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. I even got judged in Safeway for it.

Is there someone you want to see right now?:

Are you in a good mood right now?
I'm stealing this from Mary: -ish, -ish

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches?:
Northern European blood, so clearly.

Where did you get your last bruise from?:
I currently have 3 bruises that all appeared by magic as far as I can tell.

What is something you disliked about your day?
The Constant nagging headache, but that could be extrapolated back another 45 days.

Do you find piercings and tattoos attractive?
Like long hair, I only find tattoos and piercings very very attractive or not at all.

Who was the last person you drove in a car with?:
My sister and her bf. I discovered that George Carlin is definitely not funny.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you?:

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?:
My mom? No, she's like herpes--can't get rid of even if you wanted to, and she's really healthy so she'll probably outlive me.

Do you have a favorite phrase?:
Well, since I apparently invent them I'll narrow down to just two: "Oops, accident(--on purpose)" which was used on a different continent without my presence and the ever useful "barf in my mouth".

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?:
Sonic makes everything better.

Is there anyone in the room with you?

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone?:
My mother.

Does anyone call you babe?:
No because if they did I would never speak to them again.

Would you ever get a tattoo?:
Of course.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?:
Drunk on the street in downtown Portland.

What were you doing at 7:00 am?:

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?:
Umm...I don't cry in front of you unless you are being paid hundreds of dollars to listen to me complain about my problems.

Do you like to cuddle?:
Unfortunately yes. This does not work well with body issues.

Are you happy with the choices you've made?:
Not particularly.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh?:
I have a hard time conceiving of a person who wouldn't make me laugh if we were sleeping together. Obviously, they may not appreciate it, so maybe I need someone who doesn't mind being laughed at.

Would you say that you are emotionally strong?:
Clearly not.

What was the reason for you throwing up last time?:
Constant headache. It's actually pretty useful, because I have to throw up to feel better. I'm actually getting pretty proficient at throwing up just by thinking about it.

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Fake a yawn

Aug. 27th, 2009 | 04:05 am

Insomnia has to be one of the weirdest things. Normally I have the standard sort of insomnia that everyone bitches about, but right now I'm in one of those crazy bouts of insomnia where I cannot sleep at all; it's like what people call migraine headaches most of the time an actual migraine. I last slept on Tuesday morning so I'm quickly coming up on 48 hours. (I did try to take a nap and dozed for 20 minutes). The funny thing is that it's really not so bad because I don't feel unbearably sleepy, which I think is the worst feeling; I just feel really spacey and time seems to pass way too quickly. I think the longest I've ever involuntarily gone without sleep is about 48 hours, so I think I'm going to break that today. I guess if I don't get some sleep today, I'll get to start the privilege of hallucinating. Stay tuned for bizzarro hallucination stories.

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Don't Fuck With Your Barista

Jul. 29th, 2009 | 04:44 pm

I just had the rather interesting experience of witnessing someone getting arrested in a Starbucks. This young guy who looked either like a hippie or a transient apparently attempted to steal all of the bills out of the Starbucks tip partial cube. The baristas started yelling at the guy and suddenly three very large fellows blocked him and pushed him directly into the table at which I was sitting. He started arguing saying that he didn't take any money, but then gave over a dollar. At this point the police had been called, but he was asking to be released. The self appointed guards said "No" because they knew he'd taken more and had stuffed it into his underwear. At this point he goes to the back of the store (there's only one exit up front) and kind of takes his pants down and removes some more money. People are still in line and ordering coffee while this is all going on. The thief tries to say that he's given it all back, but the police are coming in and they are putting on RUBBER GLOVES. The barista takes back the money they've recovered and DOES NOT wash his hands. Then there was some arrest-y stuff and they take the guy away. All this time, I'm absolutely paralyzed at my table. There is no way I will be able to brave a Starbucks for weeks at the least!

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This summer heat

Jul. 29th, 2009 | 02:13 pm

It's so hot that my refrigerator and freezer are taking considerably longer to cool things down than they normally do, and they aren't getting as cold. This is ridiculous.

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Apr. 25th, 2009 | 07:25 am

I went to the doctor, and apparently my cholesterol is too low, and I've been ordered to eat more fat. I didn't know this was possible. I haven't been intending to eat low fat before this.

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Mini-Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Mar. 27th, 2009 | 09:53 pm

I just discovered the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. "The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels." (There's a longer description in the link). I propose to have my own little contest here, because I am so entertained by it. Also, does anyone else notice how they all sound like the opening lines to a novel that a hipster would write?

If you are too lazy to follow the link, here's the 2008 winner: "Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.'"

Here's my (first) entry:

Angela sighed at the somewhat meretricious china pattern her mother-in-law-to-be selected--chevron or paisley, she never these codes and now felt trapped behind these symbols like being wallpapered into a lavish prison, so she remembered the dark, handsome, roguish lovers that now replaced by a tepid mouse ironically exclaiming "The blue fits" thinking lugubriously on her future life.

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Tortilla Espanola

Mar. 24th, 2009 | 11:28 pm

So, watching various Spanish films has made me really nostalgic for Madrid. It has also given me an intense craving for Tortilla Espanola. I wonder if I can finagle anyone into going to Toro Bravo or Colosso with me.

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The Language of the Revolution

Mar. 3rd, 2009 | 06:25 pm

It would seem that talking about Marxist Literary Criticism would be really engaging and interesting, because there is so much written about it, but in a classroom setting that just doesn't turn out to be true. For some reasons these discussions always degenerate into the most petty criticisms of Marxist theory and never end up being applicable to literature. First, if you've made it this far, you should have some basic idea of the outline of Marxist theory. Wasting an hour defining not only "Commodity Fetish" and "Alienation" but also "the Bourgeoisie" and "the Proletariat" is annoying and pointless. Second, nearly all of us here are not Marxists communists, so we really don't need to hear your annoying political screed about Ayn Rand. Third, making assertions against Marxist theory that we've already talked about only reveals that you didn't do the reading last time. Your poor rehash of the Wittig's pointing out that Marx may have been blind to sexism is not interesting like it was when we discussed it last week. Fourth, in conjunction with the second point, in this class it's a lot more interesting if you actually apply these ideas to literature, since it's a very influential current of contemporary literary criticism instead of talking about only politics.

Also, Sophocles, Plato, Trotsky, triumvirate, bourgeoisie and aesthetic are probably words whose pronunciations you should look up before you start giving a presentation.

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What Would You Do

Feb. 25th, 2009 | 02:19 am

I realize I may be way behind the times on this.

What Would You Do -- This show has me mesmerized. I literally cannot stop watching it. The most fascinating ones are the ones that deal with racism. I think I'm going to have to start showing these to everyone who thinks that racism doesn't exist in this country.

I don't really want to summarize them, because it just won't do it justice. I highly recommend the "Would You Have Called the Police?" and "Real Estate Racism". It is scary how few people will speak out against blatant racism, or how easy it is to harbor racist sentiments even if you think that you don't.

I now realize that I could never be an actor. Please watch, this is amazing.

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Feb. 22nd, 2009 | 04:49 pm

Image work-safeCollapse )

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Girl Talk

Feb. 20th, 2009 | 02:27 pm

The only thing that listening to Girl Talk does for me, is make me want to listen to songs that I'd forgotten about for a long time, like Aaliyah's "Are You That Somebody". I'm utterly unimpressed by Gregg Gillis's mashups. They are way too intent on being impressive, and really don't bring anything new, besides maybe a sense of smugness for being able to recognize all the different samples.

I guess even something like "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve which didn't alter the source material much, still made the song their own in a way that Girl talk just doesn't.

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I hate more kinds of mimes now.

Feb. 19th, 2009 | 07:54 pm

Because I was raised backwoods style, meaning without TV for the most part, I never got to see a lot of the crazy fucked up stuff everyone else did growing up. One of of my communities some posted a video from an experimental mime troop, and I was Horrified. Not only are these things terrifying, but the act is unbelievably sexist. I can't believe this was on a kids show.

Video under the cutCollapse )

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Reading is dangerous

Feb. 12th, 2009 | 07:33 pm

Some time ago, a conservative publication (that my father happens to subscribe to) put forth a list of the 10 Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries. While I don't think that I would describe books as harmful, I am interested in the sort of reaction that we have to ideas. I'm uncomfortable with calling a book harmful, because that seems to at least imply that censorship would be in order, and I think that perhaps bad ideas are better served by being made public and vigorously debated.

Of course, this got me thinking, so instead of thinking of "harmful books", per se, I thought that I would compose a list of the 10 books that I've actually read, which have been of some consequence, whose philosophical ideas I find at least fairly obnoxious. Disagree with me or propose your own as you might see fit. (PS I know I don't format according to the American style with quotation marks and periods; I find that way nonsensical. This isn't an academic paper, so I'll do as I like).

Cut because Sam goes on some extended philosophical wanking about books that he hatesCollapse )

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Feb. 11th, 2009 | 01:00 am

I'm having serious nostalgia for going back to Norway. This is where my family lives.

Cut for picturesCollapse )

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Time for Opinions

Feb. 11th, 2009 | 12:47 am

So, I've never really read any Roethke, except for "My Papa's Waltz", but today the lines from "The Swan" really just floored me for some reason; maybe it was caused by an unfettered love for the named poet, but I still think Roethke gets credit for these savage lines:

"I am my father's son, I am John Donne
Whenever I see her with nothing on"

Obviously, someone with the best of judgment has suggested Simon Armitage. Is there anyone else whose poetry I should read?

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